I wish I could have gone to medical school. I would have chosen dermatology, surgery, or palliative care.
Instead, I’m barely keeping myself alive and have developed a special interest in most of my diseases, especially the rare ones. Medicine is fascinating, and it would be far more “fun” if I could implement it in ways other than saving my own life. I don’t feel like there’s much left to save.
My GI told me today that I deserved an honorary MD for everything I’ve had to figure out alone. 🥲
And that’s how many of us chronically ill people survive in the hell of pain, gaslighting, and suffering alone. We go to war for our minds and bodies when no one else will.
Knowledge is the true prey and the only thing that soothes the pain in my heart. If I understand why something is wrong, that knowledge becomes a balm. It may seem superficial, but it is all I have left. I am so tired.
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